The Drool

WARNING: This is disgusting. 

I gave up peanut butter for Lent. I participated in Lent? What the Hell? Peanut butter, My Love, Mi Amore, My blood, all that is good on this planet. I mean really, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING? For reference, in 2005 I calculated that my consumption of peanut butter was over 150 lbs. (There will be an entire post dedicated to you, dear PB) When this comes up, the reaction of most is speechless, shock, and awe. I met my friend Ryan at the grocery store one day (this is very typical of us) and he noticed the lack of jar in my basket and I had to break it to him. It was the 30 day mark. He stopped dead in his tracks, his face fell as if someone had just died. 'But...WHY...?' Mostly because this is what he knows me as...

 

There are lots of things that people can do to test their will, run marathons, live with Monsters, watch Little People Big World. Different folks, different strokes. I believe in challenging yourself everyday. This has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done. This is beyond a challenge. This is a battle, a struggling battle. I live in Struggle City, Mayor of Strugglesville, Kerri Strug. 

 

Not only have I given up my life line, but also all nuts in general. Anything containing nuts, all nut products, ALL. Oh my God, it's happening. My mouth is water. Flood! 

This is not a joke. Over the course of that past 35 days, I have been woken by drool. My dreams have been haunting. Peanut butter cookies, peanut M&M's, Whole Foods peanut butter crispy rice treats. I can smell them in my dreams, taste them all. I once dreamed the entire process of making cookies and then woke up. ASSHOLES! I had to buy a new pillow. Salivation, to me, is beyond comprehension. Pavlov was right though. This is my goddamn bell. Get it together, mouth! The unconscious physical response is astounding. And repulsive. It's clear we need to be together. 5 days. 5 days. I can't afford to wake up next to an actual human being with that slobberjaw. Can you imagine dating a drooler?