gelly roll pens" or "I'm like so obsessed with Hillary Duff." Okay, maybe they were. But I'm talking a legitimate infatuation. My friend Hannah has a video of me, somewhere hidden far far away, in an over-sized sweater, leggings, and bug glasses waltzing around our apartment emulating her in a "candid" street interview. Completely normal. Also, I owned all these items. What. Are you judging me now?The summer of 2003 she was generating a lot of press. Remember the global event that was her 18th birthday? Websites dedicated to it, countdowns, bets, a private celebration by yourself while with your friends and they thought it was just another night out... Just me? Ohh.
In some gossip rag that summer, there was a picture of her in baggy sweatpants, a vintage t-shirt, big sunglasses and bangles. She was in public, in sweats. The audacity! I was hooked. I could see we had a lot in common:
1. We liked raggedy clothes (thrift stores were and are cool!)
2. We liked to smoke cigarettes, which I have long since let go (Give it up MK!)
3. We liked coffee
4. We were skinny, really skinny
5. We biked
6. We were blond* AND loved fur
7. We both had the letter R in our names....
Okay I was really grabbing at straws here. She was, in my eyes, Fabulous.
But, here's the thing with my relaysh with MK, it's very one-sided. I don't care about her. There's nothing about her that I would like to know that I don't get in pictures. It's much like how "normal" people cruise Facebook- I cruise Mary-Kate Olsen. I saw in a picture once she was giving a bum a $20. A Humanitarian! Rejoice! I've never seen her movies and frankly I do not want to. Apparently she was on Weeds? Ooops, missed that one. She would probably have to wear pants! There's no fun in that!
Hearing her talk would ruin my ideal and fantastical voice that I have for her. Think Kathleen Turner with a helium tank. Her walk is probably similar to a Gollum hobble, I prefer stills. Her personal life...huh? She dates? She has friends? A dog? Genitals? No, these are things I need not know.
Things I need/want to know about MK:
1. She is alive
2. She will dress herself (Hallelujah!)
3. People will take her picture
Things really took a turn for the worst during my second semester of college when my friend Ali (Pop Culture Junkie) found out about my secret obsession and introduced me to Gemini-Twins.com. A website dedicated to all that is Olsen. All I wanted were the photos dammit! I started visiting at least once a day to see candid photos of her walking with things in her hands. Literally.
I love the utter ridiculousness that is Mary-Kate Olsen. Overall, her fashion sense is fantastic. In her prime, if she wore it, it wasn't the trend yet, she was setting it. She just goes for it. Fearless? Maybe...I mean, she's obviously a little insane.
*This was not her best look, A for effort though. Poor thing, she looked like a zombie hooker.
Other looks that failed for MK:
The Top Hat
The Meg Ryan/Ozzy:
The Golden Girl:
By the way, she has a sister. Trashley.